Walls — good or bad?
I just recently found a better resonating life purpose statement:
I am the superheroine who breaks walls.
Long story how I got there, but I am interested what kind of walls are these walls I am breaking? So, I decided to start this little self-retrospection here — a little ‘Game with Self.’
Let’s go.
1. List your walls
Q: Where in my life did or do walls play an important role?
Here are the walls which influenced/are influencing my life and personality so far:
- The Berlin Wall (and the Inner German boarder) had a big impact on my in my first 7 years of my life as being born and raised in the Eastern part of Germany and a big impact of forming the value of freedom and autonomy ever since.
- Pink Floyd — The Wall and the story about my young dad being in Yugoslavia back in the days and only having money left for either buying a ticket back home or this album. And of course this album made it and he had to hitchhike on the way back. The Wall — film and soundtrack — was published in 1982. Such a coincidence that I have been born in the same year and that I listen to and play similar music a lot. Also the ‘wall’ here is a symbol for ‘self-imposed isolation from society’. I suddenly feel a link with COVID-19 isolation and physical (aka social) distancing.
- The Wall Street as the symbol of the neoliberal capitalist system we live in today. One of the symbols of the how I call it ‘old world’ and we as human special will either go down with it or change it to a system which considers all species well-being.
- The new built walls/boarders built in Hungary etc as a choice to face the migration wave which hit Europe from 2015 onwards. I am also referring to all new physical walls built these recent years — like the US does to Mexiko etc. This phenomena to me is one part of the duality of what life is all about. This one especially as a symbol of choosing national/individual interests over international interests or interests of the whole. Am I open enough to listen to both sides here?!
- All not supporting/destructive mental walls which have been built alongside the journey of growing up and living life. Mental walls we all have to deal with and which were built by traditions, experiences and so on. Mental walls which I as coach support my clients and teams to explore deeper. And my own mental walls of course.
- The ‘4 walls’ I live in — my cosy home I found in the Netherlands.
- Firewalls — even in our second world (the internet) we build walls. Interesting how even Computer Science which I chose to study made it to this list. Firewalls in this context mean more to me than just the digital solution they stand for. Thinking of firewalls, I immediately find myself squeezed between the unhealthy (for our mother earth & maybe us as humans) and “ever growing” technical progress on the one hand and this ‘wow’ on the other hand for all the benefits and insights we gain from this global network.
So — this list! I never wrote this down before.
I am more than surprised to read back how much walls can actually tell!
2. Generate insights
Q: So, what are these walls telling me? Listen.
So let’s see what comes up here.
Walls divide.
The first what comes to my mind is — SEPARATION.
SEPARATION
I feel that fear is playing an important role in my list. Fear of the unknown, fear of the other side and at the same time the wish to be there and hope for the better.
Speaking about fear, I am noticing, I am referring to the Berlin Wall here — my in a way collective trauma symbol for a violent system, dictatorship, isolation, surveillance, distrust, forced separation, disconnection, isolation, despotism and so on. I would say it’s been the biggest influence. I still see the pictures of 1989 in my head when people in Berlin were climbing up the wall, standing on the wall, breaking it down and celebrating freedom.
Insight 1: I realise that this is probably the wall of walls which of I connote walls as perse dividing/negative/destructive/not serving. The same goes for all the other walls we build for similar reasons.
Walls enable creativity and choice.
Pink Floyd’s The Wall really got me by surprise. I am so often telling people the story of my dad and this album and is always makes me smile.
Insight 2: I found an inspiring wall — for me. Why? Well, it’s been such a rebellious move — anti-system. And the story taught me that you always have a choice. It also pictures the facts that limitations and rules are guiding forces. They enable our creativity and clarify positions. Also, only having two options to choose of is very comforting actually.
CHOICE, CREATIVITY
Insight 3: It so much relates to the musical rebel inside of me. Also some insight that most of us — especially me — cannot live without art. No walls can stop that.
Walls clarify.
Home aka the ‘4 walls’ we live in aka my own little queendom.
Insight 4: Interesting to see that there are actually constructive walls. Walls which clarify the space wherein we all can feel secure. Walls which build a save spot — if not the only one — where we literally trust to walk around naked (naked as in no makeup, no tie, no roles and sometime literally no cloths). Walls which reflect us and where we can express our identity, where we can be ourSelves. I remember a friend of mine, a psychologist, telling me that our home reflects our soul.
CLARITY, IDENTITY, SECURITY
Also interesting to think of our second self, the working self, and how corporate walls way too often don’t make us feel trusted or secure. But at least they frame the identity of the company we work at — literally the walls of the building itself. One choice here is: can I identify with the company’s identity or not aka do I want to work there or not?
I am thinking, does the same apply for countries and their borders?
Walls frame perspectives.
When speaking of mental walls I refer to walls which prevent you from living your version of a fulfilled life.
I am glad, that I already broke some of my personal mental walls.
Most of my personal mental walls were built in my youth as a kind of hand-over of the fear my parents and grand-parents were feeling while growing up. A lot is linked to what they have experienced in their families or in the GDR or Second World War. I still can hear them saying sentences like:
- ‘Sshhhhh. Don’t talk so loud, other people must not hear what you are saying.’
- ‘Don’t ask for credits better hope for no blame.’
- ‘…proper job…’
- ‘They, up there…’
- ‘Such a thick girl.’
- ‘Food without fat isn’t tasting.’
- ‘A rolling stone gathers no moss.’
- ‘A man doesn’t cry.’
Lot’s of these kind of voices were on the one hand driving me and at the same time (what I know now) holding me back from shaping my own opinions.
PERSPECTIVES
Insight 5: Thus, these thoughts were at the same time guide and saboteur. I needed to explore what kind of guide they were and what they were sabotaging.
To do that, I had to break them. I had to break them to open up and start learning from the future as it emerges. I wanted to and still want to be able to face new challenges. I have to break old, not serving walls before I can create new once — serving once.
(Note to Self: Will I ever build walls?!)
Insight 6: I had to learn to listen differently and to see that those kind of voices in general are all only perspectives to a certain topic. Perspectives are just another source of information, not the only source. Thus, to gain more fully insights on a topic we need to explore different perspectives. I was willing to go deep. That was key here: the will to go deep; to allow myself to go deep. It was painful and shameful, but relieving and healing.
The biggest learning is to let go of judgement and cynicism and to overcome fear though courage.
Btw. this is an ongoing process, but I know now how to guide me back on track here. (Side note: Something I as a coach support my clients with too.)
3. Summarise your Conclusions
Walls divide A N D
Walls enable creativity and choice A N D
Walls clarify A N D
Walls frame perspectives.
First of all, I definitely had to slow down first (See: The Courage to Slow Down). Slowing down opened up space for this exploration — the exploration to the conscious and unconscious, the serving and not serving, the constructive and destructive walls.
It not only takes courage to overcome fear, but also to give oneself permission to listen deeply. No one knows it all, but together we know more.
Also, it seems that in order to progress we need limitations (which are build to get broken) in order to create and adapt to the emerging future.
Walls are both — good and bad.
That’s why I see them as ‘serving or not serving’ from now on. I can say that this journey — which took several years — made me the human I am now and let me see others and listen to their perspectives more deeply.
